that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
