my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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