I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize