roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
