I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
