are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
