...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
