If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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