my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is it penis luge time yet?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
