I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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