Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
