I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
