just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
