you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you had me at cake vodka
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
