this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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