Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How does it feel to date your dad?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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