I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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