yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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