What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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