4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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