I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
