I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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