bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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