Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
