bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
