Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
