my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
