weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Where is the hickey?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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