Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
