Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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