The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
