Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Mom said you looked used
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
