You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
