That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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