so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Jerry, you need to find god
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
the raccoons are back...
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