so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
