I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
