Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
