I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The uberlube is also flammable
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
