when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
