Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
