I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize