You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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