I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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