after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
