Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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