I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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