the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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