so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
