We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How external is "for external use only"?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
