you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
