I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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