hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
