Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize