Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
