I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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