your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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