i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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