I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize