im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
