Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love accidental penises.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
