what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
