everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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