we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
