bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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