Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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