i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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