if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
