just come out here and I will go home with you...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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