This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
