She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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