i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
