We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
