I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
