I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
