i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
