so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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