Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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