theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize