he was CRYING into my vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i now understand why vodka
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize