OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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