Don't you send me to vm
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize