Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
