I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
