I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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