You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
