The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
