i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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