Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Green mimosas i think yes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
