I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
