I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
