She is in my trunk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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