My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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