You work out of a Hotel?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They took my balls.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
