woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
