I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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