Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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