my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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