Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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